" Stories are essential to our understanding of human life. They help us make sense of the narrative of our own lives." ~Marjorie Thompson, in Courage for the Caregiver (2022).
Life's transitions can be a forceful change in a person's life. They can lead to deep reflection and redirection in your journey. Writing and sharing your life stories can be a catalyst for this transformation. Examples of major life transitions that can lead to increased emotional and spiritual resilience are caregiving for a loved one, living with chronic illness or disability, empty nesting, loss of meaningful employment, retirement, betrayal, divorce, and many others.
In Henri Nouwen's devotional, Hope for the Caregiver, he writes that when God calls you to be a caregiver (yes, this is a calling on your life), He does not want us to care as "professionals" but as vulnerable people who know and are known, who care and are cared for, who forgive and are being forgiven, who love and are being loved. As caregivers, we are broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. As I cared for Kate, I struggled not to recognize my vulnerability and weaknesses. Being a nurse for over 40 years gave me professional skills for caregiving, but I did not recognize my need to be cared for. This lead to compassion fatigue and a lack of emotional and spiritual resilience. Through deep and intentional reflection, prayer, and study of writings by Henri Nouwen and dementia expert Teepa Snow, I could refill my 'tank' daily to serve Kate with love and compassion.
Caregiving Tip Week 2
Routine is a lifesaver for caregiving, particularly for those suffering from dementia. I chose Tuesday mornings to be Kate's 'salon' day. She loved to listen to Willie Nelson and old country singers. I downloaded a playlist with 55 of her favorite songs and named the playlist 'Kate's Favorite Hits'. Every Tuesday, early afternoon, I would bring her portable hairdryer, curlers, and other salon supplies into the kitchen (shampoo, conditioner, nail polish, polish remover, tissues, curlers, and monthly auburn hair coloring). I would then on her playlist through the Bluetooth speakers. I gathered towels, a plate of cheese and crackers, and a small glass of her favorite Carlo Rossi Sangria wine. I created a sign that said, "Willie, Wine, and Cheese Salon is now open." She would cheerfully come into the kitchen sink, and I would wash and then set her hair. While under the hairdryer, I would give her a manicure and occasionally a pedicure. This made her happy and reduced the conflict of saying, "It's time to wash your hair." at which she would usually say no adamantly. We continued this Tuesday salon day for almost a year during the final stages of dementia.
Whether you create an elaborate ruse as I did for Kate's hair day, establishing a routine for the days and times you provide showers and other hygiene care will help overcome some resistance you might meet for these physical caregiving tasks.
Caregiving Reflections: journal or reflect on the following questions by Nouwen, Hope for the Caregiver, 2017.
We are vulnerable people caring for vulnerable people and receiving care from vulnerable people. This truth opens the door fur us to see each other and for love to flow.
- How do you respond to the idea that your vulnerability is part of your caring?
- Do you open yourself to receiving the care of others, or do you resist it?
Guided Autobiography: writing and sharing your stories in a small, supportive group has been shown to increase connection with others and increase resilience and emotional strength during difficult life transitions. I invite you to join me in a 10-week zoom workshop using Guided Autobiography to bring you some of the connections you need on your life journey. New zoom classes will begin April 26 and 27. Contact me if you are interested in the workshop.